My Life
by Randi
Summary: Two people get to know each other better please R
1. Susan

Disclaimer-I do not own any of these characters, I'm not sure who they belong to. Also this is my first fic, so please review. This takes place after Lockdown.

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"I honestly don't know where to begin, I guess it all started a little over 10 years ago. I was a 3rd year med student, he was my resident. I liked him the second I laid eyes on him, but he was married, and at that time, Jen was pregnant with Rachel, so I set it aside as a childish crush. The next few years are all just a blur to me, graduating from med school, getting accepted at County, it just all went by so quickly. One thing I'll never forget is the day John Carter walked into that ER. He was dressed to impress, Benton was a little hard on him, but Benton was a little hard on everyone. Carter was a ladies man, almost always got the ones he wanted, but he didn't get me. He tried, I turned him down, I was still thinking I had a chance with Mark. My friendship with him was continually growing stronger, his wife was on his case 24/7. Then one day, my dreams came true. During my 3rd year of residency, 5 years after I'd met him, he told me he was getting a divorce. This was also the time when Little Susie was in my life, Chloe left us one day, and I was gonna put her up for adoption, but Mark talked me into keeping her. Everything was going fine, I was gonna adopt Susie. Then things went bad, Chloe came back and took Susie away from me. Susie was probably the only person in the world I cared for more than Mark. It was really hard on me. Mark was still getting over his divorce, but he was a friend when I needed one. I felt like Mark was the only thing for me, so I decided it was time for a well needed vacation. I called up Chloe in Phoenix and we decided we'd go to Hawaii with Little Susie. I actually asked Mark to come with us, he turned me down of course. Later Carol told me it was because he thought I didn't want him to come, but I wanted him to come. I never made it to Hawaii, I have a major fear of flying, I swear I almost died on the plane ride down there. I just spent time with Chloe and Susie in Phoenix that week. I ended up taking the train back, I promised myself I wouldn't fly again. Of course, I had to go in the chopper to complete my residency, but Mark was there with me, so I knew I was safe, but either way, I was scared out of my life. The time in Phoenix was one of the greatest times of my life. I decided I couldn't take it anymore. Mark would never realize I liked him as more than a friend, so I decided I'd take my life to the person who loved me and I loved more than anything. SUSIE. I was getting everything ready for my transfer with Morgenstern, when Mark asked me out. I didn't know what to do, once I made my mind I wouldn't change it, but it was Mark. He came over that night and accused me of seeing Morgenstern. I realized I had no other choice, he had the right to know. I cried, he cried, it was a night of sadness. He stayed with me that night, I'll never forget that night, it was my first and last time with him. A week later I was ready to leave, I was already on the train and it was getting ready to leave. Mark came running up to me just as we were about to leave and told me he loved me. What was I supposed to do, get off the train. He was to late, I kept telling myself he was too late, I was over him. I never really believed myself. Phoenix wasn't as great as I thought it would be, I didn't spend that much time with Susie as I thought I would. It was just I was always working, and when I wasn't working, she was with her friends. I started thinking I was very stupid for not staying in Chicago with Mark. I knew I still loved him. None of my relationships in Phoenix worked, not even my engagement to Bill, who was a cowboy, worked out. At first the letters came in numbers, then one every two or three months, finally I was surprised he even wrote me on my birthday and Christmas. He gave me his email address once and I always sent him email, I wanted to keep in contact with him. He replied every so often, but finally I gave up. I was continually depressed, I had no friends in Phoenix, my job was horrible, it was the same job as in Chicago, but I didn't have Doug's wisecracks to cheer me up, or Mark to comfort me when I was down. It was just different. I actually became an alcoholic for a short time, but I decided that much alcohol was gonna kill me. I became addicted to caffeine after that, it was pretty much just drinking pop, more specifically Mountain Dew. It started to deprive me of sleep, and when I can't sleep I think of Mark. I was suffering, I hadn't had a relationship in over a year, I was staying in my apartment the entire time. I came to love Friends, that show was crazy, always managed to cheer me up. Then when I thought things just couldn't get worse, Chloe, Susie, and Joe decided to move to San Fransico, I didn't know what to do. I moved down here, deserted my happy life to be with them, mainly Susie. They just left one day, they decided it would be better if I stayed here, I felt betrayed. I was confused, my life wasn't in Phoenix, it was still in Chicago, I made Susie my life here in Phoenix, but it was never really the same. I missed Mark, I missed my friends here in Chicago. When I came back, I found out that Mark was married again, but the shocking news was he had a brain tumor. He never bothered to tell me about it. I realized that in 5 years a lot of things change, Carol and Doug moved, Carter was stabbed. It was almost as though I thought nothing would have changed, it took a lot but in the end I got my life back, and I was happy. I still loved Mark, but he was happy, and he had another child, I wasn't going to interfere with that. I tried going out with Carter, because he's always had this little crush on me. He's in love with someone else though. Then when Mark and Elizabeth split, I had to play my role as best friend, he still told me everything. I stayed with him the night he had Gamma Knife therapy, I told him he should tell Elizabeth, but he is a stubborn man. I couldn't believe it when Carter read that letter, it was very touching, I was in shock when he said Mark had died. I was in denial for more than a week, Mark was and will always be my best friend. After that I cried like I'd never cried before, because I knew him like no one else did, not even Elizabeth or Jen, who were married to him. So now here I am, talking to you, thinking back on it all and smiling. My life was the life of a normal person until Mark came along, its all very complicated. Well now I've told you almost everything you'll need to know about me." I said with a smile on my face. "If you think your life has been complicated, wait til you hear about mine" Abby told me, shaking her head.

Was it any good? Email me at mountain_du_adict@hotmail.com with any suggestion or comments. I think I might continue with Abby's story.


	2. Abby

*TSK TSK TSK* SOOO sorry its taken me this long for me to add a second chapter, I thank you all who reviewed the first chapter, you've probably given up on me by now. But I went on a month long vacation, and I honestly tried, but I couldn't figure out what to continue with. Well, it finally came to me, after about a month and a half, now I have no idea what Abby's life was like when she was younger, this is just my speculation, but here it is, part two of "My Life"  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this fic, well, except for Jim.  
  
Now, on with the fic...  
  
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She had just got done telling me about her problems, I figured I might as well share some of mine. Now, I am a very closed person, I don't make friends that easily, and I honestly don't like telling people about my problems. I thought I might give it a go, I've felt like crap recently, and I thought that talking about my problems might make me feel a bit better.   
  
"Well it starts out like this" I told her, "I guess everything started to go wrong once Eric was born. Before then my dad had left my mom, and she had remarried Jim, Eric's dad. He never liked me much, but once Eric was born, he started yelling at me, he told me he never loved me, I wasn't his, he told me I wasn't going to amount to anything. He favored Eric, he got all the toys, at Christmas, Jim would take my presents that my grandparents, aunts, and uncles sent me and either gave them to Eric, or if they were too girly, he'd throw them away. My mom would always take me aside and secretly give me some gifts, that was when she was happy. The times when Jim was working was when I'd spend some of the best times with my mom, she was bipolar. She would take her pills and she just seemed so happy with Jim, I didn't have the heart to tell her he beat me. He never seriously hurt me, I'd just have a few bruises, and he'd only do it when he knew she wouldn't be home for a while. I just dealt with it. He gave up when he figured out it didn't harm me anymore. He just started to ignore me, and by this time Eric was able to talk pretty well. When he was about 5, Jim tried to teach him to hate me, but it didn't work, I always helped Eric with whatever he had to do. When Eric got to be 6, Jim finally gave up, Eric wasn't becoming his idea of a perfect child, and my mom wasn't taking her pills all the time, he just left one day. I didn't mind much, but my mom almost completely stopped taking her medicine. It became hectic, I was 12 then, and sometimes she would leave us for days at a time, she always made sure we had food thought, I learned how to cook at a young age. I don't remember much of my teenage years, I spent most of them drinking. It was the only way to get rid of the pain at that age, at least, I thought so. During High school, even though I was a drunk, I was also a teacher's pet, you know, one of those kids that the teacher favors, and she doesn't care if your work isn't in on time. I winged my way through, and I had excellent grades. Then, in my senior year, I decided I'd had enough of just barely getting the grades I wanted, I got my act together, and took all the classes I wanted. I applied to mainly local colleges and universities, but I figured I'd at least give a bigger school a try, so I sent in an application to Penn. I think I died the day I found out I was accepted, I hadn't gotten my hopes up. By then I had met Richard, he was going to school to become a doctor. We had known each other for about 7 months before we started dating. We got engaged a year and a half after that, with the wedding 6 months from then. He promised me things would be ok, we decided he should finish school, and then I start again, so we didn't have so many debts. Well, it didn't work that way, we were in too much debt as it was, but I was determined to get to med. school, I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way, not even Richard and his debts. After I had made it through my first year, Richard and I decided to get a divorce, well, I decided to get a divorce. He was never home, and finally I realized he was staying somewhere else with some whore. Subconsciously, I knew something was going on, I just didn't want to admit it. So we were getting a divorce and we had debts up the wazoo. I let Richard take care of them, well, I tried to. In my third year of med. school, he didn't pay my tuition, so they kicked me out. I was pissed of course, but I just went back to nursing, my fall back career. I was already having problems, I had quit smoking and drinking 5 years ago, but I couldn't stand it, I went back to smoking, I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help myself. That's about the time me and Luka started dating, well, tried to. You see, on our first date, we were mugged, and Luka beat the guy to death, I don't think he meant to, he was just protecting me. He wouldn't hurt a fly unless it threatened someone, but after that, he was a wreck for a while, there was nothing I could do. He felt so guilty, he attempted to figure out who the guy was, so he could contact the family. I'm not sure how that went. Finally things got back to normal. Then, my loving mother shows up at work, now, I'm not saying I don't love her, I do. Its just, when she doesn't take her medication she can be uncontrollable, and that's how she showed up. I tried to deny the fact that I knew her, but then she went ballistic, it was so embarrassing. She disturbed things with me and Luka, not drastically, but it just affected us. She left after a while, things were pretty tense between me and Carter, he has a major crush on me, and he couldn't stand to see me with Luka. He also couldn't stand the fact that I complained about Luka to him like he was one of my girlfriends. That's what I thought of him as, just one of my girlfriends, I didn't have many, I got along with Carol fairly well, but then she left. Its not like I'm gonna become friends with Kerry, and I just couldn't seem to get along with Elizabeth. Then, I had to go get my mom in Oklahoma, let me tell u, you are lucky you have a normal mom" She but in just then, "Believe me," she said, "Your mom may be bipolar, but my mom is just a mental case, she has issues she needs to work out, she has never been a great mom, I always went to my friend's mothers when I needed advice" "I guess, she was there for me when I needed her, most of the time," I continued, "But I had to go get her in Oklahoma, Luka really got pissed off, because Carter offered to come with me and I agreed. I mean, Luka wasn't going to come and I wanted company. We drove back to Chicago, and, gee, what would make this story a bit more interesting? On the way back, my mom took a whole pack of sleeping pills, I thought she was going to die, I was scared, but yet, I wasn't, I just didn't want her to leave this way. There's more in that story, but it could get to long, it brings back bad memories, and I just don't want to talk about it. Well, Luka and I broke up a while after that, that's another story in itself, don't get me started. Well, as you know, I had the crazy neighbors who "LOVED" each other too much, and we all know how that turned out, but Joyce was the one who got me drinking again. She offered me a beer on my birthday, and I had had a crummy day that day, my mother was the only one who knew it was my birthday and it was just a bad day. Well, that brings us up to about where we are now, sitting here, talking" I looked at her, she seemed like she listened, but I wasn't sure. I knew I wasn't going to tell her about me and Carter, she wanted us together, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do it. After a while she finally spoke "WOW!" is all she could say. I didn't blame her, because if I had just heard that story, I'd be speechless too. "Well, this has been a fun night," I said, "But I think I should be going, I'm on at 7 tomorrow." I hadn't realized it was 12:30, I needed to get home, but it had been great, I finally had a friend I could just talk to, I needed one of those.   
  
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She really told me everything, she seems like the kind of person who keeps everything locked up inside. She didn't mention anything about Carter, so I figured I wouldn't tell her he told me about the kiss. She might have wanted to keep that private. I figured I should get to bed too, it had been a long day.  
  
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OK, so it wasn't as good as the first, I know, but if I continue it should get better, please R&R, tell me if I should continue, and with what. Feedback is welcome at mountain_du_adict@hotmail.com


	3. Friends

Ok, I'm not gonna make you wait as long for the next chapter. This all takes place after Susan and Abby's little getting to know each other conversation. It describes their friendship.  
  
Disclaimer-I do not own these characters, I swear, I'm just using them for my fun.  
  
Now here we go again...  
  
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I walk into my apartment, I usually just go home and wallow after work, its been that way since Mark died, I really feel bad, I hadn't even been back a month. Somehow I thought he just moved, this must have been what it was like for him when I left. I'm never really up to doing much, though, its just too hard right now, its only been two weeks, and it just hurts. Today was different, I wasn't in the mood to sulk, I wanted to get out, go do something, I just couldn't wallow, not today, the day was going so well for me. Before I left, I'd go out with Carol and some of her friends, but I never really associated with them, I just went because Carol invited me. Now she was gone, it was harder making friends, I was never really good at that. I could call Carter, but he works the graveyard shift tonight, I'll let him sleep. I thought about it, and decided to call Abby. We really weren't great friends, but she seemed better than anything else.   
  
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I had the day off and I was enjoying it. I had been working overtime for the past 2 weeks and I just needed a break from it all. I'm not saying I don't like it, its great, its what I've always wanted to do, and the people there are great. Sometimes I just need to get away from it for a day or two, just to relax. So I was lying there, watching TV, don't ask me what it was, some mother and daughter drama, or comedy, I couldn't tell, it was dramatic and funny, but all of a sudden the phone rang, which is rare at my place. The only people who call are John and my mother, or the hospital if they need me. I was surprised to hear Susan on the other line. I mean, no one ever calls, so it was just a shock for me. "She called to see if I was doing anything, which I wasn't so we made plans to go shopping. Now, I'm not a big shopper, but I got to do something other than watch this show, that can only be described as a dramedy.   
  
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We decided to meet at the mall, I chose the one close to her apartment, because I hadn't been there very often. I don't really go anywhere but the mall next to my building, its one of the biggest in the Chicago area, I think it was in the top 10, so thats usually where I shop. I had an hour and a half before we decided to meet, so I took a shower since I just finished my shift. I finished up and still had 45 minutes to go, it doesn't take me long to get ready, I'm not obsessive with make-up or anything like that. I decided to watch some TV, I immediately saw one of my favorite shows was on. FRIENDS was the name of it, its a funny show actually, so I'll usually watch it when it comes on. After the show was over, I decided I should leave, Abby lived at least 10 minutes by the el so that's where I headed.   
  
We met in front of Macy's, now its not as nice as New York City's Macy, but it is really quite nice. I got there about 10 minutes early so I decided to call Carol and see what she was up to, but when I called Doug said she was at work and he had a fever, so I decided not to take up his time. Abby ended up being early too, so we decided to walk around and see where we wanted to go. We went into Bloomingdale's first. I found some clothes I liked, but they were too expensive, so I decided to at least try them on. I didn't want to go in the dressing room alone, so I made her grab some clothes and try them on with me. I didn't look half bad in my choices, but Abby looked hilarious, she should NOT wear bright colors I decided, but it gave us a good laugh.   
  
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I was having a pretty good time up until we tried the clothes on. She made me try something on, so I just grabbed some random things and tried them on. I didn't realized what I had grabbed until I looked at myself in the mirror. I never liked the way bright colors look on me, they are just too cheery for me. I looked horrible, but it made both of us laugh.   


We ended up going to Sam Goody after that, Susan wanted to get the new Dixie Chicks cd. I honestly couldn't stand country music, but she loved it, so I didn't say anything. We went to a couple other department stores, and I ended up buying a few things I probably wouldn't have bought if I was alone. It was actually fun spending the evening with her, we had supper together in the food court and I persuaded her to tell me all about Mark again, except in more detail. I never knew those kind of things about him. I could tell she missed him.  
  
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The evening wasn't so bad, I mean, I did have to talk about Mark again, but I can't keep it all bottled up. We ended up going back to her place I asked her how she and Carter were doing and at first she denied it. Once I told her Carter told me about it she said a little about it, but then she said she didn't know where it was going. I dropped the subject because she didn't look comfortable talking about it. I ended up leaving at 11. I really couldn't sleep when I got home though. I kept thinking about Mark. I'll never stop regretting the fact that I left him, I should have stayed, but I didn't, and I turned down the perfect lifestyle to go to Pheonix, where it was horrible for me, I kept asking myself why I left. It took me five years to realize where my real home was, but now that I have lost a dear friend, I am making a new one. 

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Ok, so I guess it wasn't that bad, except for the fact that John told her about us. That was very akward, since I didn't know where it was going, but otherwise it was pretty fun. I guess she was my friend, we got along ok, we didn't have much of a problem talking about things, except when they got too personal. We'd just have to work past that, but she was great to hang out with, just to shoot the breeze. I got a cup of coffee ready and sat down and watched TV again, some teenager movie was on, "Cruel Intentions" was the name of it. It wasn't half bad, I wasn't gonna rush to the store and buy it once I saw it, but it wasn't too bad. I ended up getting to bed at a reasonable hour, since I was on at noon the next day. I had had a great time that day, I wouldn't mind doing it again sometime.  


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OK, so these keep getting worse, I know, just PUH LEEZ R&R, I need some criticism or praise, email me at mountain_du_adict@hotmail.com 


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